Training is well and truly out of the window at the moment. My mind is getting the workout instead of my body. I am absolutely shattered, I would much rather be gym tired than essay tired, but needs must and all that.
It is really taking its toll on my mental well being. Not only am I dealing with the "OH MY GOD WHAT IF I FAIL" demons, they are being backed up by a rousing chorus of "THEN YOU'LL BE FAT AND A FAILURE". So that is fun. It is taking a lot of mental will power to remind myself that I can't do everything, and sacrificing training will be worth it. Not least because when I get back I will be ready, able and willing to put my absolute heart and soul into it.
Balance is still not easy though. The mentalness going on between my internal demons is not giving me a lot of breathing space to battle the external manifestations, such as shoving chocolate down my maw faster than Christmas is drawing upon us. Oh and my, what a time of year for temptations eh? I could easily wolf an entire packet of Orange Matchsticks in about 20 seconds given the opportunity.
On the other hand I am trying to remind myself, that with all this crazyness and temptation and feeling drained, the fact that I am maintaining a level of operation in my life, that is good enough, is a pretty impressive achievement. If I can operate at this level, under this much pressure, imagine what else I could achieve if I put my mind to it. That is of course assuming I don't succumb to the fat girl inside of me, all she really wants for Christmas is the opportunity to develop type 2 diabetes.
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